Image in Dirty Water By Paul Speaks.
Ignorant of everything around me, I was born like every child
without a past.
I loved and laughed at everything I saw, I was so good at one thing,
"asking questions" while growing up.
I picked the bad things like habits and they hurt me, I was attracted to the good things and too much of them were dangerous, what exactly was meant for me,one thing I can hold on to, I had started building a past and experience I never had, things were rossy from the start,I got all I wanted and ate all i wished for like the whole world was made for me.
Alas!
Tear's dropped my very eye, (don't cry) I whispered to myself pls don't cry the world was still made for you but in what instance? it's like saying I was going to remain a kid.
Every little thing had it's part in me, I already had bad, not too
good and weird experiences, I wasn't as good as who I wanted to be.
Do I even know what I really wanna be or who I am?
I had been shaped and built by my past experiences, my life has been constructed by the things I saw around and people I lived with, I never saw beyond my jurisdictions and it wasn't clearly my fault.
Even when I look at the reflection of myself I still see nobody, not like I don't appear in my thought but I appeared without a meaning, confused and put in the middle of several things to choose from.
I stood in front of my so large mirror in the morning and night and yet I see the same image, I was seeking for a change but how do I see what is different from what is in front of the mirror.
My mirror couldn't help see who I wanted to see, friends couldn't
cos they joked at every possible thing I do, my parents were
ignorantly worsening situation with pride.
They would enlarge and define my confused self, I was celebrated few times when I did something beyond their imaginations but yet they celebrated my actions not me cos I have just done things to appeal to the environment.
I was stuck and lost!
Don't you get it, everyone was somehow happy and I was also but
on the surface,my happiness would even make you happy just so
you leave me to my confused self.
I wasn't looking bad,I was handsome to a point if you understand
but what has that got me?
A life that wasn't attached to a meaning, everything probably had a
definition but I had none, yes I wasn't a word or something but
significant and relevance wasn't for me.
Hey! (read this like I would read it)
I.......... Was...... Ready........ To........ Seek...... For.......
My........ Definition.
I sourced for a definition that was linked to significance and values.
I went back to my big mirror and all i still saw was myself.
Myself and that's all have been seeing,and so I asked myself, what else do you wanna see?
All i wanted is what I was blindly seeing.
There was a reflection of me in dirty waters, I was standing just in front of pot hole filled with water I always felt was too dirty and of no use, I just always passed by and undermined it's usefulness because it was obviously dirty and of no use but yet I saw my not too handsome self in it.
I just got what I was looking for, for so long, I rushed back to my
large mirror, and guess what, I was seeing me, yes me, like I was
supposed to see.
I saw me beyond the mirror in front of me, I saw myself in dirty
waters, so differently.
I have never seen myself so differently, I judged myself with all i had been through and who I had been shaped to be when that wasn't
exactly who I am, the mirror reflected what I wanted because I wasn't just looking at the mirror, I was looking at me not the mirror.
I have always focused on the mirror not who was been shown in it.
Dirty waters reflected my image, then I wasn't all that bad, I had a whole lot to know about the new person I saw in the mirror.
I was me already, and yes I lived every bit of myself without
repentance cos I found my true image through dirty waters.
The water wasn't dirty, I was only mistaken, the dirty water wasn't still the point but the fact that I saw myself differently.
The water was clean in it's own way and here I am good in my
own way, I no longer needed anyone's definition about me.
I can be who I really want to be looking at me beyond the me I see in the mirror because the mirror isn't my focus.
I am the focus.
House of Reguard shot this.Mr_Reguard
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